Finding Our Bliss
by ELSchaaf
Summary: The secret journals of Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars detailing the two weeks between Logan being cleared and Logan being deployed.
1. Chapter 1

**Journal Entry #1**

_Just how many times can one have sex in a two week time period? We weren't sure but we were fucking dedicated to finding out. Pun absolutely intended._

_Our blissful reunion began the same day that the newscasters announced that Logan had been cleared of all suspicion in Carrie's death. I'd woken up from where I'd been curled into the arm chair by dad's bed to find him finally awake and actually looking at me with pride. Something in his expression, even though he still couldn't really speak, told me that he would understand my decision to stay in Neptune better than he had previously let on. Of course, that wouldn't stop him from urging me to leave again. I'm not that naive. To my pops, trying to get me to hightail it out of Neptune and never come back was as obligatory as breathing. Problem was, Neptune is in my blood. Being that pesky petite blonde who gets under everyone's skin is almost the dictionary definition of who I am._

_But enough of that. When I saw that dad was awake, I rose quickly to stand by his bedside. I took his hand and gave it a squeeze. I was so relieved when he returned it, even as weak as it was. He quickly began motioning for something to write with so we could talk and I rapidly obliged with a dry erase board I'd already had at the ready. He, of course, first wanted to know what exactly had happened. He remembered meeting with Sacks in his little Honda and he recalled the deputy getting spooked but after that, everything was blank._

_I filled him in on the utility truck that smashed into them not once but twice and how, if Logan hadn't gotten him out of the car before it came back for that second pass, he would have been dead. I omitted the part where I watched as Logan pulled him from the car and saw my life flash before my eyes as the truck bore down on them, making me think I might lose them both forever. He must have seen it in my eyes, though, cause he told me to go home. No, more than that. He sent me to find Logan, to thank him for saving his life._

_And whoa, baby, did I ever find him! In fact, he was actually waiting for me at the nurse's station because he's apparently psychic and knew I'd need a ride. *ahem* Yes, again, pun fully intended. Even better, he was back in his dress whites after having met with JAG for the final time. Seriously, though, the only thing better than Logan in uniform is Logan in nothing at all. But I'll get to that in a minute. First, I took him back to dad's room and let him check on the old man in person. It was awkward, sure. It always was. But in spite of how wary I could tell that dad still was, he also acted genuinely grateful and at least slightly interested in the fact that Logan had beat a murder rap yet again._

_When he spoke of the case, his freedom, and me, Logan's eyes lit up and what amounted to a half-smirk and half-smile curled the corners of his lips upward. The sight of it caused my heart to skip a beat, my eyes to go soft, and a smile to spread involuntarily across my features. I almost hoped that neither of the men in my life would notice but inevitably, they both did. Dad's silent response was a sigh of resignation while Logan's was an intensely hungry look that made me want to squirm. I caught my breath just before I let out an audible gasp and secretly started calculating whether we'd make it farther than the closet janitor's closet before we ripped each other's clothes off. Again._

_He must have been able to read the thoughts that were swirling in my head because he was suddenly clearing his throat and excusing himself. I bit my lower lip and looked guiltily at my dad before I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and scurried after my long lost love. I didn't see him at first and I was about to start to panic but then an arm was reaching out and I was being dragged into what turned out to be a hospital staff bathroom. I let out a laugh as he locked the door and twirled me around, lifting me till I was settled on the edge of the sink. _

_"Deja vu?" I quipped with a smirk._

_His dark eyes twinkled as they bore into mine. He gave a single nod and fought back his smile as he said, "Older and wiser but yeah, I figured why not."_

_I caressed his jawline, my eyes wide with amazement as I repeated a fairly infamous line from our past, "What are we doing?"_

_A full-fledged grin broke out on his chiseled features as he gave me his line, "I have no idea."_

_Next thing I knew, his mouth was hot and heavy on mine. I could taste the soda he'd had with his lunch and the minty spritz of the listerine strips he'd used to try to fend off the after-taste of what I could only assume was a burger or sandwich. He pulled me close and I pulled him closer. It felt like we were trying to find a way to fit our full bodies completely inside each other. My breasts were crushed and throbbing against his chest. A certain hardness of his was pulsing insistently as it ground against my groin. _

_I gasped and pulled back, reaching for his waist, my eyes bright and lust-filled as I breathed with ragged haste, "Off, Lieutenant. Get them off NOW."_

_With his own tremulous breath and shaky laugh, he stepped back while I planted my hands on the sink to either side of me, my legs dangling carelessly as I wet my lips and watched him with a look that said I knew we'd soon both be begging for mercy. It was comical to watch the great and mighty Logan Echolls fumble a bit in his effort to drop his drawers but it was oh so worth it when he did. _

_Of course, that meant it was my turn to scoot and adjust and shimmy my way free from the jeans I'd been wearing. When he approached me again, his eyes lit with amusement and approval, he suggested the exact thing that had just been on my mind. _

_"Might want to consider wearing things that allow for easier access the next two weeks, Ms. Mars," he teased, "Would definitely make these things go a lot more smoothly the next time around."_

_"Next time around?" I asked with a single eye brow raised as my arms wrapped back around him and he settled himself between my legs. _

_He nodded and kissed my chin, my nose, my cheeks. His hot breath tickled my earlobe and sent a shiver down my spine as he whispered his confident affirmation, "Next time."_

_I couldn't take it anymore. I reached for him, aligning our bodies, positioning him just right. As I began to grind against him, pressing him inside me just a little at a time, I caught his mouth with mine and kissed him so soundly that we both forgot our names. By the time we both broke away to catch our breath, his full length and breadth were filling me, spreading me wide. Our eyes locked and held as his hips slowly began to move. Instinctively, my body moved to mirror him. I studied his face and he studied mine. Each gasp, each whimper, each moan, we took the time to memorize. _

_This, this slowness, this stillness between us was something new. The openness of emotion, the absence of fear, the ability to trust. It was as if all these key elements __that we'd been missing all those years ago had, with the passage of time, simply fallen into place. Insecurities were lost, pretenses dropped, and all that was left was our love._

_Our lips touched and teased at random but mostly we held each other, smiled hazily, and reveled in being together like this as the pressure grew between us. _

_A thought, clear as day, occurred to me while our eyes held each other and our bodies continued to move. On the heels of a gasp and a needy tremble, I opened my mouth to say, "I love you." It was out and between us and took a moment for him to comprehend. When he realized what I'd said, the look of shock on his face made me laugh. I took his face in my hands and kissed him reassuringly, my hips rolling deliberately with each gentle nip from my mouth. He still seemed stunned and almost pained until I said it again. This time, I made sure to speak clearly and exude the confidence I felt._

_"I love you, goddamit. Do you hear me? Logan 'fucking' Echolls, this is Veronica 'stubborn as hell' Mars admitting out loud that she loves the hell out of you. And don't you forget it!"_

_Now it was his turn to laugh and he drew me closer once more, kissing me senseless as he began to move inside me now with purpose, each thrust harder, more pointed than the last. By the time I came, I was fairly clawing at him and crying out his name. When he knew that I'd been satisfied, he finished himself with three final thrusts. Each was punctuated with a single word groaned against my ear: "I...love...you."_

_His words and his motions were enough to cause me to come again as he lost himself in me and I in him. We collapsed in each other's arms, pressing heavily against the sink and the mirror behind. Quietly, he slipped out of me, even as his mouth peppered my face with kisses. Still catching his breath, he looked to me with a grin and brushed a sweaty tendril of blonde hair behind my ear._

_"We need to talk about his," he said decidedly, his words belying that he was still out of breath._

_I nodded and couldn't help but smile in return, my only verbal response a simple, "Not here. We'll talk when we get home."_

_He silently agreed and we both carefully put ourselves back together, sneaking sly glances at each other every few heartbeats. When we were both dressed and leaving the staff bathroom became inevitable, he took my hand and I let him lead me out. _

_There was so much to say. So much to do. So much time to make up for. _

_'This,' I thought, 'was simply session number one.'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Journal Entry** #2

_Five times. Five times in twenty-four hours. I don't even know how we managed it but talk about WOOF! I know, I know, there's more to life than sex but when you've been absent from each other's lives for nine fucking years, you have some serious fucking time to make up for. You know what I fucking mean?_

_Yes, of course I'm aware that we have about a million other things to catch up on as well - and we're doing that, too (we are, I swear!) - we're just catching up on everything else WHILE we catch up on doing each other. It's a win-win, really. Efficiency at its best. _

_Today, for example, I heard all about how Logan landed himself in the Navy. I laughed when he told me because it was just so 'Logan'. During his sophomore year at Hearst, there had been a career fair. He, of course, had no intention of going. To my surprise, it was Dick who convinced him to attend. Of course, his reasoning was simple: it would be a great way to scope out the hot, smart chicks and he was tired of Logan wallowing. How Dick thought he might have a chance in hell with any female who was truly intelligent is beyond me but this was Dick we were talking about. Nothing Dick could convince himself of would truly amaze me._

_Apparently, not only was the Navy recruiter some super hot chick, she also managed to tell Logan some things that were pretty profound and hit him right between the eyes. Whatever she said stuck with him and for the first time in his life, he found himself with an actual goal other than to simply survive. He went to the career fair all on his own the following year and began to make some plans. Miracle of miracles, after that, he started to take his college education seriously. He had found out that he needed to graduate, after all, if he wanted to be eligible to enroll in Officer Candidate School when he enlisted after graduation. And, of course, being Logan Echolls, The Officer and a Gentleman route was the only option to be accepted._

_He said it was Dick first and then the pursuit of the Navy that kept him sane after I left. He had first thought about dropping out of Hearst and never going back but that would have left him spiraling even further out of control in what he described as his already meaningless existence. As it was, it was far too easy to let the depression overwhelm him. He didn't want to allow his past self-destructive behavior a chance to take hold again. So when he could force himself out of bed, he forced himself to attend class as well and on and on he went._

_His story was disjointed and put together in a patchwork frame. Bits and pieces were more difficult for him to tell than others. Especially hard for him was tempering the truth with his desire to protect me. He didn't want me to feel guilty for the path he'd chosen. He wanted me to know that his choice was his responsibility, not mine, and he's happy with it. It gives him strength and a purpose that he never would have found in any other way. I get that but still...how can I not feel that I'm at least partially to blame for his unending struggle to not go insane?_

_He graduated Hearst with a much higher GPA than I ever would have expected. He was close to the top of his class in Officer Candidate School and, during that time, he apparently caught the bug for flying. I couldn't help but ask how many viewings of Top Gun it took for him to decide to become a pilot. His eyes lit up and he gave me a guilty grin before he admitted the parallels between himself and Tom Cruise as Maverick might very well have had something to do with it. That admission led to me teasing him about how Dick should have become his Goose and that, well, that led to much tickling, tackling, and laughter._

_The sex that followed was both joyful and triumphant. Our sides still hurt from laughing when we collapsed on the fold-out couch in my makeshift room. We had gone to my dad's because, well, dad wasn't home, and we didn't want to put Dick out of his place. We'd had takeout from Luigi's with CNN on in the background as we talked. Then when I teased him and saw him reach for me, I went racing for the bedroom and dove for the bed. He caught me mid-air and tackled me to the mattress as we promptly began to playfully wrestle amidst the already rumpled sheets._

_Finally, we landed in a tangled heap with him on top and me lying breathless and helpless beneath. He grinned down at me for a few moments. It didn't take long for me to grin right back. Then he kissed the tip of my nose, my forehead, my chin, and by then I was poking him in the side to tickle him again. He let out a squawk and I knew that I had won. He surprised me, though, and pulled an unexpected body twist and shift maneuver that ended with our fingers entwined and him clasping my hands over my head._

_His deep brown eyes sparkled and my blue ones filled with delight. I couldn't help but cock my head to the side and raise my chin at him while issuing my ultimate challenge: "So what are you gonna do with me now, huh, tough guy?" Immediately, his eyes darkened, his look became more calculated. He became the predator and I his prey. I swallowed hard, unable to look away. A jolt of electricity shot through me and seemed to course from my extremities straight to my groin. I gasped and he grinned. Our eyes never strayed, never blinked as he lowered his excessively talented mouth to meet mine._

_He teased and he taunted with those spectacular lips until I was an incoherent, whimpering mass. He suckled through the light cotton of my shirt at my soft and tender breast. I pressed upward to meet him. Unable to help myself, I ground my core against his thigh. Finally, when I couldn't take it any longer, I wrapped my legs firmly around his waist and gave a strangled cry. He knew what I meant and he began undressing me with ease. As soon as my fingers were released from his grasp, I moved their trembling tips to the band of his slacks and fumbled to set him free._

_Clothes flew, tossed and dropped to the side, until again there was nothing between us. He propped himself on an elbow and held my gaze with his. His large left hand moved with a feather-light touch over every niche, crook, and cranny of my overly sensitive body. He was memorizing me, cataloging my responses. Every twitch and every gasp he filed away in his iron-tight memory. He'd done this once before, of course, but this time something was different. He had more confidence. He was more settled into who he was, more at ease with himself and somehow that made his pursuit all the more sexy._

_In times past, he might not have allowed me to return the favor. Now, however, he didn't even protest. In fact, as I began my eager exploration, he appeared to be both pleased and content. I, too, had come a long way in my quest for confidence. I'd learned a thing or two myself about how to find the more erogenous zones of that extra special guy. Granted, this was largely drawn from a course I took in human sexuality, but it had paid off well a number of times in the past. Then again, truth be told, I may or may not have imagined trying out some of my more memorable new skills on Logan. He did, after all, feature heavily in my more unadulterated daydreams during that first year or two at Stanford._

_Now, though, now I got to test things out for real and I was amazed at some of his responses. As always, though, the best reactions were to the light little kisses and soft tender caresses that I peppered with care over the scars and the burns, the wounds that had healed but would always mar his soul. Most were so old and faded that you wouldn't notice them if you didn't know that they were there. But I knew. I had always known. I just hadn't known what to do about it at the time. _

_My lips slid over the tiny white marks splattered across his back. My fingers found the barely raised circular spots on his inner arms and the backs of his thighs. I nuzzled them against my nose and cheek before kissing gently around each and every one. He groaned and when my eyes met his, I was nearly bowled over by the raw vulnerability, the intensity of emotion I found buried in their nearly black depths._

_He sat me up with him and settled me in his lap. Wrapping his arms around me, he created a cocoon of his warm and solid embrace. I smiled into those beautiful orbs, the mirror to his soul. I nipped at his neck, his jaw and his lobe before I met his gaze again. He was nestled at my entrance but this was not a race. There was no need for us to hurry. Instead, he took his time, kissing and marking every inch of my face. Then, with his forehead resting on mine, a silent exchange was given and he slowly and smoothly pressed himself inside of me._

_My arms wrapped around him and we clung to each other. Our bodies still fit together perfectly, almost as if we were one. Blue eyes locked on brown, focused intently on catching each nuance, each facial expression as we moved. Then, before his lips landed on mine, he looked at me with those soulful dark eyes. I was mesmerized by his adoring gaze and watched as the corners of his mouth turned upward in a crooked and rueful grin._

_"This is how I want to remember you. Always. Just..." he punctuated the word purposefully with a hard, deep thrust, "Like..." again he hit the furthest corners of my depths, making me feel full to overflowing, "This." With that, he swallowed my throaty and lustful groan, echoing it with one of his own. From that moment on, conscious thought abandoned us. We were limbs and lips, teeth and tongues. Hot and heavy, push and pull. Give, take, need, receive. Until finally, my back was arching, I was clawing at his shoulders, and my thighs were clamping like vices against his hips. Working together as if of their own accord. _

_Before I knew it, a strangled cry of utter joy was ripped from my lungs as I lost complete control of my senses. _

_His responding grunt and groan tumbled rapidly into a heartrending and earth-shattering, "FUUUUUUUUCK!"_

_We collapsed in a heap on the bed. Still inextricably intertwined, our breathing erratic, our countenances amazed. Then, quite unexpectedly, we both began to laugh. _

_Never in a million years had I expected us, our love, to be more than just a momentary thing. But here we were, years later - lives ruined, blood shed - and I know now more than ever that Logan Echolls is the only one for me._


	3. Chapter 3

**Journal Entry #3**

_Hey. This is Logan with today's inspirational message. No, seriously. I saw Veronica writing in this thing and managed to snatch it right out from under her nose. I teased her with it until she dared me to read it. She could hardly look me in the eye when she said it so I had to take a look. And HOLY SHIT! Or rather, HOLY FUCKING HOTNESS! I had no idea my bobcat had it in her. I mean, I knew she had _**it** _in her, but damn. Like I said, you know what I mean._

_Once I read it, I informed her that there was no way I was going to let her have all the fun. She protested at first but I promised I'd make this good. So, dear journal, here we are. Together again. This isn't awkward at all, is it? Nine years of radio silence and this is where we end up. I have to admit, I'd all but given up. I mean, I'd moved on, you know? Did what I could with what I had. Now I just want to dive right back in._

_Veronica being back here, us being together, is so fucking surreal. I wished it and dreamed it for so many years and then I tucked it away. I became who I am. I changed what I was. I pulled myself together. And what did that get me? Another fucking murder rap. But that's ok. I'm over it now. I mean, sure it scared the shit out of me. And yeah, I thought my life was over. But then, I wasn't lying when I said I still kinda knew that Veronica would pull through. She always does somehow manage to save my ass in the end._

_Don't get me wrong. That's not to say that I wasn't a fully functional adult and even a contributing member of society without her. If it was what she needed, I was prepared to let her go, keep on living without her. It would have hurt like hell to lose her again, especially after losing Carrie the way I did. But then, I lost Carrie long before I lost her to death anyway. And Carrie was never Veronica. I would have done it, though. I would have buried every last fiber of emotion that just _**seeing**_ Veronica had brought back. I would have forced myself to be happy for her if she'd returned to New York. Had she gone, though, she would have taken with her a large part of my soul._

_It was bad enough to think things were going so well, to start to have a little hope, and then find out that Piz was in the picture again. I mean, what the fuck, Veronica? Am I right? But then she stayed. And her dad almost died. Hell, _**I**_ almost died_**_. _**_And then, you know, she jumped me. I didn't have time to think. At least not much. There was only time to act. And what's a guy to do when the love of his life is pulling him into a kiss that could put the flames of hell to shame? Yes, dramatic. Son of two actors, remember? _

_As soon as we actually made it to the bedroom, I had to ask. I mean, it was Veronica. I would have done practically anything. But if she'd been cheating, she wouldn't have been able to live with herself. She assured me she wasn't but it wasn't until today that I got the whole story. How Wallace and Mac had helped them connect when Piz had moved to NYC for his public radio gig. It surprised the shit out of me when she said that before then she'd only dated here and there sporadically. Schoolwork before a relationship or some other bullshit excuse. _

_She said they fell back into things because it was easy. It was safe. He adored her. He put her on a pedestal. He let her get away with anything and expected nothing from her in return. Maybe that last isn't quite true. After all, it was her loyalty to me over him that finally spelled their doom. Which, I gotta admit, I'm not sorry about in the least._

_We're different now, V and I, but somehow we're the same. I told her that before Carrie, there'd only been random one night stands. Sure, there were a couple girls I thought I could have gotten into. But then I'd inevitably find that each one was just like the others. Out for my name and a story. Finally, I met up with Carrie at a party that Dick threw while I was home on leave. We'd never really been in the same crowd back in high school. We shouldn't have had much of anything in common now. The truth, I think, is that it was her snark and our banter that attracted me. The push and pull of our relationship for that first year was nearly intoxicating. Tell me that doesn't sound like my relationship with someone else that we know._

_Of course, then the second year rolled around and she was a mess. And you know the story from there._

_I knew she'd die. I knew I'd never be enough. I couldn't save her. She didn't want to save herself._

_Damn, this got introspective fast. _

_Let's change that. Let's talk about today. Today I had to tell Veronica that we only have twelve days left to our bliss. Twelve days till I go back to the life I built for myself without her. Twelve days till we lose the other half of our souls. She was brave when I told her. She snarked and quipped and scoffed. What she doesn't know is that I heard her crying in the shower. Before I took off. _

_I had to check in at the base. Do some paperwork. Make arrangements. _

_I made other arrangements while I was there as well. Arrangements for Veronica to have the use of my car. For Veronica to be listed as my next of kin. For Veronica to be left with everything I own if anything should happen and I don't make it home._

_She doesn't know about these arrangements but now that I've written about them, she's sure to find out. I plan to tell her. I do. Just not, quite, yet._

_I also arranged for tonight. When I got back into town after my time on the base, I stopped at the Mars house and took Veronica out. We'd rarely, if ever, been on a real date during all the times we'd been together in the past. I intended to make up for that. I took her skating. Told her she was in luck, that Ruby had bowed out. She laughed. She loved it. _

_We fell all over each other but we had a blast. By the time we got back to her dad's, we were bruised and out of breath. In spite of her protests, I scooped her up and carried her into the house. This time, at least, she was awake, and stopped protesting long enough to help me open the door. We stumbled inside and I wasn't surprised when she adjusted from me carrying her to her wrapping her legs around my waist. I slammed the door closed behind us and spun her around until, purposefully, I'd pinned her right back against that same damn beam._

_Her eyes lit up knowingly and I'm sure mine danced with glee. She grasped my shoulders and I caressed her face, drinking her in._

_"I still can't believe that I'm here with you," I murmured against her ear, "That you're here with me." I lowered my lips to that tender spot at the nape of her neck that has always driven her wild._

_"I'm here," she replied as I was rewarded with feeling the shiver that ran up her spine, "I'm home. I'm not gonna leave."_

_This time, I spun us away, kissing her soundly, reveling in the taste of her tongue responding in kind. Clearing the door, I lowered her to the bed and she pulled me down beside her. I cupped her face in my hand but she covered it and slowly, with deliberate precision, moved it down her body. I looked her in the eye and the emotion in hers took my breath away._

_"Make love to me," she said simply. The trust and commitment and the utter lack of fear in her eyes set my heart, and every other part of me, on fire. _

_I undressed her slowly as she undressed me. We took our time. I marked her body and she marked mine. Mouths and tongues and teeth collided. Arms, legs, hands, feet entangled and entwined._

_I hovered over her. I smiled down at her and she smiled up at me. I brushed several loose, sweaty strands of her beautiful blonde hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. Then I gave her a teasing grin and asked, "Ready to go to sleep?"_

_She laughed and pulled my mouth to hers, kissing me soundly before she answered smartly against my open mouth, "Not in a million years."_

_Together, we rolled us over and I let her have her way with me. She straddled me, rocking against me, rolling her hips till I filled every inch of her. I rested my hands behind my head. I watched her as she worked her warm mouth across my chest to place a burning kiss right over my heart. When she lifted her head and those sharp blue eyes met mine, I thought I just might die._

_When she opened her mouth to speak, I thought I really had died. The words that she spoke were ones I'd waited for what seemed like forever to hear. Sure she'd said them two days before but that was in the heat of the moment. This, this was different. This wasn't just lust or passion. This was for real._

_She ran her fingers through my mussed-up hair and with her heart in her eyes she said, "I love you, Logan Echolls. I always have and I always will."_

_The joy those words brought to my heart almost felt like pain. I flipped her over and fucked her senseless, her words tasting like promises on my tongue. _

_"I love you, too," I breathed against her mouth before letting out something between a choke and a sob, "But you oughta know that by now."_

_Two more beats and we climaxed together, collapsing in euphoria as we slowly came down. We laughed in awe, amazed at ourselves. Soon she fell fast asleep, still wrapped up tightly in my arms. Sure, I'll have to tell her about all those arrangements, but no, not today. Today was for us to enjoy each other, to be together. Today was filled with joy. Tomorrow can be filled with pain._


	4. Chapter 4

**Journal Entry** **#4**

_Today I had a major reality check. Logan told me about everything he did yesterday. This is going to take some serious processing._

_We argued about the car first because that was the easiest to deal with. It didn't take long before I finally caved. I don't have a car of my own here and his would be sitting idle. Why not enjoy the thrill of the ride? Besides, we've made some pretty great memories in that car already. As hard as it will be to have the car taunting me and telling me that he's gone, it will also serve to remind me how much I almost lost. How worth the wait he is._

_When Logan said he'd listed me as his next of kin, I was touched. Then when he told me what all that entailed as far as the Navy was concerned and all the other things he'd set up, I about lost it. I just got him back. I can't deal with the thought of possibly losing him now. I held myself together, though, somehow. This whole deal is definitely going to take some time and some thought for me to get used to._

_The one thing I made him promise was that he would take the rest of his time here as leave. I don't want to miss another second with him when these could be our last. I know that sounds morbid but I'm scared. I don't want to go it alone. Why, oh why, did he have to grow up to be everything I ever wanted in a guy? It's a Catch-22, a stab in the back, and like someone spitting in my eye. If he were still who he once was, I wouldn't love him any less but we wouldn't be where we are today. It's because of who he is, what he's made of himself, that we are where we are in this anxiety-ridden predicament. Damn it all, Logan Echolls! Why did you have to go and find a way to really live out your goddamn hero complex?_

_As scared as I am, though, I'm more proud than anything. He's flown in wars, fought in battles, even saved people's lives. And not just my dad's, although for that one I'll be eternally grateful. His self-destructive streak seems to be gone with bravery and confidence takings its place. So many changes, almost all for the good. Yet somehow the best part of all is that he's still the smart and snarky jackass that I already knew._

_I told him he should take leave until it was time for him to go. He agreed with one condition: that if he was staying away from his job, I had to stay away from mine. I didn't think that would be a problem. I thought we could make that work just fine. Turns out, of course, that I was wrong. Thankfully, he took it like a good sport and instead of getting angry, he teased me and tagged along. _

_The call that I got was a heads up from Cliff. There was a new detail that had come to light with dad and Sacks' case. He thought he might have started to pick up a trail regarding who the driver of the truck was and who had hired him. Logan and I followed the bunny trail as far down the rabbit hole as we could get but it turned out to be a dead end. Frustrated and annoyed, we called it quits and headed back to the house again._

_We spent the rest of the day lounging around, watching movies, and eating Chinese takeout. It was nice to know that while so much had changed it was the little things that hadn't. He's still him and I'm still me and we can both still banter with the best of them. I talked him into going out with Mac and Wallace tomorrow. Of course, he only agreed if he could bring Dick. Dick, Mac, Logan, and Wallace. This should be all sorts of fun. Remind me, if we should survive, that we should probably not try to press our luck again. No way in hell could it be a good idea to tempt fate twice._

_Today was mostly filled with tenderness. Hand-holding, face touching, shoulder bumping, hip checking. We talked more than anything. Which is good considering we're grown-ups now but it was really odd, too. I mean, how can so much have changed but so little be different between the two of us? Sarcastic or not, he definitely wasn't wrong when he said we were slipping right back into our old rhythms. At the same time, it's not entirely true, either. I don't know how to explain it. I've never been good at this self-analysis shit. It's like, we are who we were but without quite so much baggage. With a little more confidence and a lot more knowledge of who we are and who we want to be._

_Of course, I was running from who I was until recently, but we'll pretend that side of me no longer exists and say that I've learned my lesson. I have, you know, but that doesn't mean I won't have to learn it again. Or, at least, keep reminding myself that I've learned it and train myself not to run._

_We kissed, we touched. He took every opportunity to make me blush. We hung out on the couch. We lounged on the bed. We had fries for a snack, ice cream sundaes from Amy's for dessert. It was a good day. Bittersweet in ways but good. _

_We actually didn't have sex today and that was ok. All the talking and touching and kissing and snuggling was almost as intimate, maybe even more so. Of course, I woke up in the middle of the night which is why I'm writing now. I've been thinking about things and watching Logan sleep. After being without him for so long, I don't know how I'll do it. This six month deployment thing. How in the world did I live without him for so long? And how will I do it again? It's like a piece of me was missing but I was too stubborn to see it. I mean, sure I can live without him. I think I did at least prove that. But why would I want to? At what cost would it come?_

_..._

_Soooo, I stopped staring and I went to him. I kissed him awake and I turned him on. Not that it took much but still. I slid my hand down his chest, over his hip, and brought it to rest upon his thigh. I pressed myself close. My knee between his legs, giving myself room. Before he was fully aware, he was automatically responding in kind. He rolled us to our sides, brushed my hair behind my ear. His lips tickled my lobe and I could hear the smirk in his voice as he whispered, "You should always wake me up like this."_

_I chuckled and slugged him in the shoulder which caused him to laugh but then we were making out like we were teenagers again. His mouth broke away from mine as he entered me and I gasped at my body's automatic response. It was his turn to watch me as he moved slowly above me, setting a firm but steady rhythm. I clung to him, his fingers brushing at my hair, smoothing it back from my forehead. His lips were warm and soft to the touch as they pressed gently to my temple. _

_The backs of his fingers brushed my cheek and I could taste the remnants of his minty toothpaste when I caught his tongue with mine. As the passion of our kisses grew, so did the pressure building between us. When he reached between our bodies to press to fingers against my nub, I groaned and bucked and couldn't help but cry out, "Oh fuck!"_

_That set him off and he finally lost control. His movements became jerky and erratic, peppered with heavy breathing, grunts, and growls. I hung on tight and arched my back, my whimpers urging him on. With three more strokes, he finished me off, my body squirming and writhing beneath him. He didn't last long after I cried out his name, tumbling straight off the cliff right after._

_Hugging me close, he gradually regained his breath. His eyes sparkled when he finally looked at me and said, "WOOF!" _

_All I could do was laugh. I slugged him in the shoulder again and shook my head, then grinned, and said, "You've got that right!"_

_I rested my head on his shoulder with a sigh and realized that as much as it would suck, as much as it would hurt, being together was what I wanted and I'd do anything to make it work._


	5. Chapter 5

**Journal Entry #5**

_Logan here. I told Veronica that with the fan club dinner tonight, it had to be my turn to take the journal and write. She disagreed so I grabbed it when she went to walk Mac and Wallace out. _

"Logan!" Veronica called in exasperation from the doorway, seeing him with her journal, pen in hand.

He gave her a sheepish look and held it up in offering. When she came to grab it, his arm went around her waist and he tugged her into his lap. She laughed, shook her head, and rolled her eyes indulgently.

"What," she said, punctuating each word or phrase with a poke to his chest, "exactly, did you think, you were doing, Mister?"

"Umm..." Logan stalled, "writing my version before you can sugar-coat it?"

"Show me," Veronica demanded.

He re-positioned her to where he could both hold her and continue to write.

_Where was I? Oh yeah. Dinner with my fan club. It could have been better. Could have been worse, too. There was some definite sexual tension going on between Mac and Wallace._

Veronica jabbed him in the side with her elbow and Logan yelped.

"What?! It's true!" he insisted.

"What about the way Dick kept looking at Mac, huh? I couldn't decide if he was scared of her or wanted to eat her alive," Veronica chuckled.

Logan just shook his head. "Can I continue now, please?"

"Of course. Don't let me stop you," Veronica said and waved her hand magnanimously.

"Thank you," Logan replied, nipping at her fingers before catching them to kiss the backs of her knuckles and then release them again.

_Veronica doesn't agree about Mac and Wallace but what does she know? She barely knows romance when it hits her right between the eyes._

"Hey!" Veronica protested.

Logan silenced her with a heated kiss, then teased, "Quiet, Bobcat. Bygones, remember?"

"I'll show you bygones!" Veronica threatened but without any kind of malice.

_Seriously, though. Mac kinda seemed to get it. Me and Veronica. Together again. Wallace was having a harder time with it. Surprisingly, though, it was Dick who took it the hardest. He pretty much just said, "Duuuude, nooooo. I mean, I knew it was gonna happen but noooooo." It was the only time I ever saw Wallace agree with Dick on anything. His response? "I know what you mean." Thankfully, he didn't bring up Piz._

Veronica kissed Logan's cheek then rested her head on his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her temple and continued writing.

_It was awkward more than anything. The only subject that didn't seem to push any real buttons was Keith. We talked about his case, the accident, his near death. Dick tuned out for most of it, drinking and looking around for someone to hit on. Where it really got rough was when Veronica and Mac started chatting in hushed little whispers. I'm sure they were hatching a plan of some sort but Veronica hasn't yet told me the details. For a good twenty minutes it was just me and Wallace and Dick. We stared at each other. I told a few stories. Wallace told some of his own. We chuckled politely in all the right places but then the faux comraderie was done. _

_It took about a minute, maybe ninety seconds, before Dick excused himself and headed to the bar. That left just me and Wallace. The girls had run off to the restroom or maybe Mac's car. You can never really tell with those two. I looked at Wallace and he looked at me. As luck would have it, we spoke at the same time. He said, "So you're really gonna do this?" and I said, "I'm not gonna to hurt her." We stared at each other. Finally, he said, "Pretty sure you've said that every time." I sighed and looked away. Without looking back, I replied, "She's hurt me, too, man. She's hurt me, too." _

_He looked like he was going to say something else but then he changed his mind. Instead, he said, "Well, you did save Keith's life." I shot him a crooked grin and gave him a nod. "Yeah, there's always that." He grinned back and clapped me on the shoulder, giving me a one-off, skeptically approving nod. "A'ight. I'll give you a chance. You mess up this time, though, and it's sayonara." _

_The girls came back before I could say anything more. Then Dick was there and the evening was ending._

Logan paused in his writing, glancing at Veronica out of the corner of his eye. She was asleep. Snuggled into the crook of his neck. He smiled softly and set the journal aside. Lifting her, he balanced her against his chest so he could brush a tendril of hair from her eyes. Then he maneuvered them out of the living room and down the hall, heading toward the bedroom. Moving sideways through the door, he gently placed her on the bed. As he tucked her in, a strong sense of deja vu struck him.

He placed a kiss on her forehead and rose to walk away. He had barely made it to the doorway when he heard her stir. He stopped and turned back when he heard her sleep-filled words, "Wait. Don't go."

Returning to her, he sat on the edge of the bed and caressed the side of her face. "Sleep," he said, "I'm just gonna finish the journal, then I'll be back."

"Leave it," she said, sitting up a bit, reaching to draw him near, "Finish it in the morning."

"Okay," he replied before moving to bring her some pajamas. Efficiently, he changed into his as well then laid down beside her on the bed.

They lay there silently for awhile and Logan almost thought that Veronica had fallen asleep. But then she turned in his arms so she could look him in the eye thoughtfully before she began to speak, "Logan? Do you really not remember your 'epic' speech?"

Surprised and more than a little uncomfortable, Logan hedged in response by saying, "Why do you ask?"

"It's just, I was thinking, trying to figure out when I first knew that I really really loved you," Veronica paused, sounding somewhat embarrassed. She bit her lower lip in the dark and hesitated before she continued, "And I realized, it was after that speech."

Logan stared at her, the shadows playing over her face. He didn't know what to say.

It didn't matter because she rushed onward anyway, "I mean, I know I ran out. I didn't know what else to do. Your words, the emotion. Just...everything was so raw." She paused again. He watched her gather her thoughts. Before she continued, he gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"That was when I realized that you were really in love with me. That this wasn't just a-a momentary thing. For you, not me," she clarified. "It scared me to death. It rocked my world. That's why I had to get away. Take time to think."

Kissing her forehead and then her cheek, Logan said regretfully, "It really meant a lot to you, huh?"

He felt her nod against his shoulder, then she looked into his eyes and added with conviction, "It changed my life."

His heart twisted in his chest. He hated that he couldn't remember. He was trying to think of what he could say when she added, "Do you want me to tell you?"

"Tell me?" he asked, wholly confused. Then he propped himself on one elbow and looked down at her, "You mean, you remember my speech?"

"Every word," she grinned sheepishly, sitting up, leaning her back against the headboard.

"Alright," Logan said with a crooked grin, "Out with it. Let me hear this masterpiece."

She drew up her knees to her chest and hugged them. He could barely make out how she wet her lips before she began, "Well, first you talked about how we were both alone again and I told you I was sure you could have your choice of the bimbos."

Logan chuckled and moved to face her, "What did I say to that?"

Pursing her lips before she grinned, Veronica's eyes sparkled even in the dark when she answered, "You told me you weren't like that anymore so I asked what you were like now."

Wincing dramatically as if expecting the worst, Logan prompted, "And my response?"

Veronica giggled, "Tortured. You said you'd been tortured. Ever since you had your heart broken."

Logan sobered and so did Veronica. She pressed her lips together thoughtfully for a moment before she continued, "I foolishly thought you meant Hannah. I even said as much," she paused, embarrassed again, then said, "You put me in my place. Told me I should know you weren't talking about Hannah."

Veronica's voice was becoming breathy. Her eyes bored holes into Logan's even through the light of the shadows. Her heart raced as she said, "I was already stunned but then you said, 'I thought our story was epic, you know?' "

His brow furrowed and his gaze sharpened. He wasn't sure, but this seemed somehow familiar. Regardless, he felt an inexplicable urge to interject, "Epic how?" which caused her face to shine with delight.

She scooted closer to him and said, "Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined. Blood shed. Epic."

A chill ran down both their spines. They could barely breathe.

Her next words were spoken on the barest of whispers, "But summer's almost here. Then we won't see each other at all."

"And you told me the next morning that you wanted to make it a point to stay in touch," he murmured back.

She nodded and he wrapped her in his arms. Closing his eyes, he soaked in everything she'd just told him while he reveled in the feel of her presence.

"No wonder it meant so much to you," he said, his tone full of sincerity. They sat silent a few moments before he added with some levity, "Damn. I should have gone into PR. I could have written some seriously kickass speeches." He waited a beat then said in a self-deprecating manner, "Too bad I never knew."

Laughing, she punched him in the shoulder. He responded with a kiss.

Brushing the hair back from her face again, he gave her a look of adoration. He pressed his forehead to hers, then said, "I promise this time I won't forget."

She kissed him, caressing his tongue with hers while her hands began roaming over his body.

He eased her back, continuing the kiss while his hand slid inside her pajama bottoms. He cupped her mound, putting pressure on her clit, enjoying it immensely when she gasped and pressed more closely against him.

His lips trailed down her throat to the nape of her neck where his tongue flicked while his teeth nipped and teased.

She wrapped her fingers in his hair, gently pulling his mouth back to hers. He could taste her evening meal on her breath but didn't care as she whispered, "Logan, make love to me."

Slipping her bottoms off while she removed his, he was more than happy to comply. His eyes held hers as he slid into her with ease. Purposefully, they threaded their fingers together before he started to move. The rhythm that was built was built together. Their bodies moved in synchronized motion. There was no hurry. There was no rush. The flame between them was a slow, smoldering burn of desire. Something so epic, it refused to be extinguished.

No words needed to be exchanged. When the moment was right, they both held on tight and rode the waves of pleasure together.

Once they were settled with Veronica snuggled to Logan's side, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and brushed his fingers through her hair. He wasn't sure but he thought she might already have been asleep. Either way, it didn't matter. Against her hair with a tone full of love and affection, he quietly said, "Our story is epic."

The only response he received was a contented sigh and a barely whispered, "Yeah."


	6. Chapter 6

**Journal Entry #6**

_Logan went to the hospital to see my dad today. Without me. I knew I should have bugged his room. __I came in toward the end of their conversation. I couldn't help it. I needed to know what they were saying._

_I tried to be casual. I tried to be sneaky. I tried to listen in at the edge of the doorway. But nope. They caught me. _

_Dad gave me his tolerant but proud father look. Logan's eyes gleamed and he gave me a smirk._

_I entered the room and immediately things became awkward as hell. It looked like it was Dad and Logan against me. Almost as if they'd come to some sort of understanding. They both said it was nothing, that I was being absurd. I know them, though. That's all that I'll say. _

_We hung out in the room and even played cards. As soon as we left, though, I began the interrogation. Not that Logan would cooperate. He wouldn't tell me a thing. In fact, the only thing he would say is that if I really wanted to know, I'd have to let him write about it, then wait till he's finished to read it. WHAT? Does he not remember who I am? Is he serious with this shit?_

Two hours later...

_Oh, fuck it. Fine. I'll let him win this time. But only because I really want to know what he said to my dad._

Solemnly, and not without a glare, Veronica handed the journal over to Logan.

"Here," she grumbled, "Write what you want. Just remember, as soon as you're done, I WILL be reading it."

Logan chuckled and took the book, settling himself into the corner of the couch. Veronica stared at him but as soon as he motioned her over, she went without hesitation. Settling her under his arm and against his side, he kissed the top of her head and smiled. He couldn't remember ever having been this content in his whole life.

Veronica flipped on the TV and started scrolling through channels. Meanwhile, Logan held his hand poised over the page, allowing his mind to wander.

_So. Mr. Mars. That visit was pretty intense. And I don't think I've ever been quite so nervous. When I first arrived, I kinda hung back. Then he joked a bit and I couldn't help but quip right back. He thanked me, again, for saving his life. I really didn't think there could be anything that was quite as awkward as that__. Boy was I wrong, though. The next thing that he said could not have filled me with more dread._

_"Son," he began, "I have something to ask you and I want you to really think before you answer."_

_I held my breath and listened to him. What he told me, I'll never forget._

_"You and I both know that Neptune is no good for Veronica. She gets sucked in. She puts herself in danger. I know you don't want that and neither do I." He paused to look me straight in the eye. "I know you two are together. And I know that you're serious. Now see, here's the thing. You have no ties here. You don't have to come back." He stopped. He looked like he was gathering his thoughts. He looked a lot like Veronica always does when she's trying too hard to figure out what to say. "What I mean is, you can encourage her to leave again, too. You can visit her anywhere when you're on leave. Why here? Why not New York? Hell, I'd even take Timbuktu."_

_I was speechless. I mean, did he remember who he was talking about? This is Veronica. Veronica Fucking Mars. Nobody tells his daughter what to do. NOBODY._

_I cleared my throat and worked my jaw. I mean, what the fuck was I supposed to say? It took me awhile to build up the nerve but I finally blurted out, "Mr. Mars, I seriously mean no disrespect, but you know this is Veronica we're talking about, right? I mean, yeah I hate that she puts herself in danger. But who the hell am I to talk? I do it, too. I get it, man-I mean, Sir. The thought of her maybe getting hurt. It KILLS me. But no one on earth can tell your daughter what to do. It's her choice if she stays here or goes back to New York. I'll support her no matter what. Between you and me, though? I'm pretty sure we know what she's gonna choose."_

_Mr. Mars looked like he wanted to argue. He probably would have, too. But we both caught the sound of a shuffle at the door and wouldn't you know it? There was Miss Nosy herself._

Veronica had kept herself occupied for about as long as she could take. She saw him pause in his writing and decided to take her chance. Flicking her wrist, she snatched the journal out of his grasp. He tried to get it back but she simply squirmed away. In response, he scowled.

He stood up from the couch and she stood halfway across the room. Looking down, she read what he'd written. It didn't take long for her eyes to bulge and her jaw to drop. Her laser-sharp gaze snapped to his.

Holding up the book as damning evidence, she demanded, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Veronica," Logan said as a warning. "Put the journal down and let's talk."

She shook her head, anger making her eyes appear ice cold. "No way. What's there to talk about?"

"Veronica," Logan said again, "He's your DAD."

The way he emphasized the word hit her hard. She knew he was right but she wanted to stay mad. The look he gave her made her reluctantly remember the worthless piece of trash that he had called 'Father.'

Sighing, her shoulders slumped in defeat. He moved toward her and she let him take her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him an appreciative squeeze. Then, with words muffled against his chest, she said, "Thank you for sticking up for me."

"No problem," he grinned, tenderly kissing the top of her head. "Anytime."

She pulled back a bit and looked up at him with a frown on her face and furrowed brow. "What do I say if he brings it up with me?"

Logan held her gaze for a minute, then gently grazed her forehead with his lips before murmuring against the warmth of her skin, "Honestly, Veronica, that's up to you."

Closing her eyes, she counted to ten. Then, when she opened them, she tilted her head upward. She released her hands from around his waist and moved them up to his neck so she could draw him down. When their lips met, there was an understanding between them. A promise. He could see her and she could see him, exactly the way they were. Neither would ask the other to compromise, to be something that they're not. Whatever the consequences, they were who they were. Who Lilly, their parents, and all of Neptune had made them.

"You know," she said when she broke their kiss, "Now that I'm back here, I don't know what I was thinking. Did I really think I could leave everything -Dad, Neptune, you, the PI life - behind and honestly never look back?"

He stroked here cheeks tenderly with the pads of his thumbs and pressed another kiss to her forehead before saying simply, "You did what you thought at the time was for the best."

She sighed and shook her head. "It's the hero that stays, the villain who splits. How in the world could I forget that?"

"You've never been a villain, Veronica," Logan chided.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Veronica responded dryly, adding pointedly, "Look at how many times I've run away from you."

Logan pulled her back into a tight embrace, expelling a breath and ruffled her soft hair. "Every time that you left, Veronica, you had a good reason. And each and every time made me grow stronger."

She was quiet for a minute, absorbing his offered solace. Then she pulled back, an emotion-filled raw look in her eyes. "I love you, Logan Echolls. And don't you ever forget it."

His response was to sweep her up and into his arms. He lowered his lips to hers and carried her away. When he laid her down in what had quickly become 'their' bed, he kissed the tip of her nose and gave her a crooked grin. "I won't," he said.

Then he helped her undress while she fucked him with her eyes. He chuckled when he saw the sparkle of mischief. Knowingly, he shook his head. Then, spreading his arms wide with one knee on the bed and one foot planted by its side, he said, "Do your worst, Miss Feistypants."

Much as she had once before, she rolled up to her knees and yanked his shirt apart. With a loud _'snap,crackle,pop',_ all the buttons fell off. Slowly, she let her hands wander over each and every smooth, solid muscle. Then, giving a quick tug after firmly gripping his waistband, she flashed him a smirk and said, "Get over here."

He ran his tongue over his teeth, gave a single shake of his head and a laugh while looking at her with open admiration. "I love you, too. You know that, you cute little pest?"

With an eager little nod, she firmly answered, "Yep. I sure do."


	7. Chapter 7

**Journal Entry #7**

_Holy shit. Veronica went to see Dick today. And somehow, he's still alive. She, of course, didn't tell me she was doing it. Which is even more impressive. He survived without having a heads up about her visit! I guess that means that now I'm gonna have to go see him. There's no way Veronica will tell me what that was all about. I'll ask her. I've asked her already. But I guarantee her explanation left a lot of important details out._

_She said she just wanted to see him, something about 'making her peace.' I coughed in my hand and said, 'Bullshit,' but all she did was chuckle and give me that impish smile. Ah, my snarky pixie princess. I wonder if Dick still has his balls. I'd ask him but he might decide to whip them out._

"Did you take my journal again?" Veronica demanded in exasperation as she peeked over his shoulder.

"No," Logan denied with a hint of humor, "What would make you think that?"

"The fact that it's in your hands," she accused without malice, taking it back.

Logan sighed, wrinkling his forehead at her. Then, in total deadpan, he said, "That's not proof. I was framed."

She laughed and rolled her eyes before narrowing them. "And who, exactly, would do that?"

"The professor in the study with the poison," he said immediately. His eyes shone but he pulled it off with a straight face.

"Wrong game, smart ass," Veronica snickered, giving him a kiss.

"Who says I'm playing?" Logan asked with a pout.

Veronica ignored him and read what he'd written. She raised an amused brow and asked, "So, you want to know what I was doing talking to Dick?"

"If you're actually going to tell me, yes," Logan affirmed, wrapping an arm around her waist and spinning her with him until he landed them both on the couch.

It took her a moment to stop laughing and to adjust herself in his lap. Even then, it took several minutes for her to choose to begin. For awhile, she seemed lost in thought as she fingered the pages of the journal. Finally, she turned her head and looked him in the eye, saying quietly, "I went over to apologize."

Logan coughed and he sputtered, his eyes widening in surprise. "You did what now? Come again? I think I must have misheard you."

"Nope. You heard right. I apologized for implying he had something to do with Susan's death," Veronica replied softly.

"And?" Logan prompted, thinking, _'There's no way that's all there is to it.'_

"And, I might have extended an olive branch, maybe," Veronica mumbled in embarrassment, averting her eyes.

"You did what?!" Logan asked, aghast. He looked around as if searching for someone and then looked back before demanding, "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"

Veronica gave his shoulder a shove and shrugged, "I don't know. I figured I'm gonna get lonely while you're gone. And the only person I can think of who might understand that is, well, Dick."

"Veronica Mars, you have gone soft," Logan expressed, his voice admiring and his dark eyes shining. He brushed a few stray hairs back from her face and gently cupped her jaw, then said sincerely, "You know I'll miss you, too, right?"

"I do," Veronica smiled sadly and sighed. Then, as if making up her mind about something, she held up the journal and scowled, "I thought the plan was to write something in here every day before you leave but here we are on entry number seven and we've only got four days left."

Logan gave her a very pointed look as he thinned his lips and tapped her temple. "You know that each and every moment we've had is recorded right here. The journal is fine the way it is."

She sighed again and settled her head solidly against his chest. "I know. I just don't want to forget."

"So you're saying I'm not all that memorable? Nice," Logan teased with a fake pout.

"Of course that's not what I'm saying!" Veronica protested, "It's just...it's different this time, you know?"

"I do," he reassured her, kissing her on the tip of her nose.

The next day, Logan made it a point to stop by Dick's. He stayed there whenever he was on leave and in Neptune so, of course, he had a key. He let himself in and looked around. Things were a bit cluttered but they weren't a mess.

"Dick?" Logan called out. It wouldn't be unusual for him to not be around. At least not in the house. Typically, or at least most of the time, Dick spent his days on the beach either soaking up the sun or riding the waves.

Today, though, he came padding down the hall and popped his head around the corner. He saw Logan and grinned. Dick gave him a nod, forgetting the fact that he was still in his boxers.

"Oh, hey, dude! Was wondering when I'd see you," Dick grinned, coming forward to give Logan what amounted to a half-hug and half shoulder nudge. "Ronnie got your balls in a vice grip already?"

"Yes, Dick," Logan answered dryly, "That's exactly it."

Dick nodded knowingly, his shit-eating grin growing broader. "Nice."

"Listen," Logan began, not wanting to let Dick wander down a train of conversation about his love life, "What did Veronica want with you yesterday? Was it work or something else?"

"I don't know, Dude," Dick said as he made his way to the fridge, "I keep telling you that girl is whack." He pulled out a couple of brews and offered one to Logan.

Logan took it but didn't open it. Instead, he set it aside and wisecracked, "And I keep ignoring you and move on. Keep up, Dick. What did she want?"

Dick leaned against the counter and shrugged, popping the top on his beer. "It was weird, ya know? She just, apologized and shit. Wanted to know if we could be friends. I swear, it was the strangest thing. Totally messed up. I didn't know what to say." Dick paused and gave Logan a sly smile and a crude wink. "I think your girl may be hot for me," he teased.

Laughing, Logan shook his head. "Yeah, right."

When Logan got back to the Mars place later, he settled with Veronica on the couch. Snuggling her in his lap, he nuzzled his nose into the nape of her neck and breathed, "Hey...I owe you an apology."

"What's this?" Veronica asked, pulling back to look him in the eye suspiciously.

"I went to see Dick," he confessed.

"And?"

"He told me the same thing you did," Logan admitted, "Nothing more, nothing less."

Now it was Veronica's turn to smile softly. She kissed Logan's nose and she framed his face with her hands before resting her forehead against his. "You know I love you."

He nodded and waited for her to go on. She inhaled deeply and explained, "He's important to you. He's your best friend. So whether I like it or not, he's family."

Logan's heart swelled. On an impulse that he was unable to resist, he flipped her beneath him and lowered her gently to the couch. "Thank you," he said sincerely, "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"Hmmm..." Veronica responded, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed as she looked at him knowingly, "Somehow, I think I do."

"You do, don't you?" Logan grinned and she nodded. Her thoughtfulness was seriously turning him on. He lowered his mouth and traced her lips with his tongue. Then he pulled back, almost immeasurably, his eyes almost painfully intense. "I'm going to make love to you now. You have a problem with that?"

She shook her head and arched up to meet him, their tongues coming together in a feverish kiss. They made out for awhile, taking things slowly, until he heard her gasp and felt her body jerk upward. Then, quickly, he bumped things up a notch. Carefully, they undressed each other, taking the time to worship and appreciate each new bare patch of skin. His hands skimmed skillfully over her body before coming to rest at her hips. His eyes melded to hers as he moved his mouth downward, tracing a path on her warm flesh that traveled from her chest to her nipples to her belly button and all the way down to her core.

An insane and unstoppable flame of desire blazed in her eyes as he went down on her. She whimpered and moaned, pressing upward against him insistently. She ground her pelvis against his face, her fingers digging into his hair. He nipped at her bud and lapped at her juices until she squirmed and she screamed his name. Still trembling all over, she reached for him and frantically pulled him up to her. His mouth found hers once again, their tongues dancing and massaging each other. He slipped into her seamlessly and pulled back so he could watch her face fill with pleasure, each stroke sending her spiraling further.

"Veronica Mars," he breathed hoarsely, "you're the only one in the world for me."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I know this chapter is super short but it's also very painful. I tried to dream up ways to lengthen it but couldn't bring myself to extend their torture.**

**Journal Entry #8**

_I can't do this. It's not working to pretend it's not happening anymore. In 48 hours this bliss will end and then begins the heartache. I try not to think about it but I tear up whenever I do. I'm taking more showers than ever to try to hide it, but I don't think I'm fooling anyone. Not even me. I can't help it. I just got him back. I can't take that I'm losing him again. How the hell did I stay away for so long?_

_He's noticed the change in me the last day or two as our time together comes closer to its end. Then again, of course he has. He's always been incredibly perceptive. Especially when it comes to me. _

_The best part is, he's not trying to cajole or console me. He just stays quiet and holds me, stroking my hair, holding my hand, all while my eyes sting and a lump forms in my throat. I, of course, try to quip it all away. He'll answer in kind but we both know that I'm not fooling anyone._

_I need to go see my dad but I'm avoiding it. There's too much that we need to talk about and I'm too overwhelmed as it is. The last thing that he needs right now is to see his little girl break down._

_Little girl. I'm definitely not that anymore. Grown woman, feisty bitch, now apparently a newly formed romantic sap. What's wrong with you, Veronica Mars? You don't let boys get to you like this. Of course, Logan is no longer a boy. He is most definitely a man. A man that, surprisingly, has become amazingly solid. He's steady and courageous, still quick, still witty, still more than capable of making my heart ache with joy and break in his absence._

_Again, I don't think I can do this._

"What are you doing?" Logan asked her sleepily, propping himself up on an elbow to watch her.

She looked affectionately into his hazy, heavy-lidded gaze and smirked. "I'm waxing poetic."

"About little old me?" he guessed with a slow and easy grin but even as he said it, his focus sharpened. She looked like she was holding back tears.

"No," she lied, "My dear old dad."

He raised a knowing brow and called her on it, saying matter-of-factly with no malice, "Liar."

She bit her lower lip and set the journal aside, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her. "You know me too well," she replied dryly.

Sitting up, he positioned himself next to her, lovingly drawing her into his arms. He rested her head on his shoulder and kissed it, giving her a squeeze before he murmured into her ear, "Always have."

A shuddering breath went through her. She closed her eyes tightly, fighting back the tears, her jaw clenched in determination. When she pulled back and deeply inhaled, her eyes were still watery but she knew she had to tell him. "I don't want to lose you from my life. I just got you back."

He knew as he watched her that she was about to break. He leaned in and kissed her forehead but otherwise didn't touch her. His voice was full of emotion when he spoke but he knew this was something that she needed to hear. "I feel the same."

They'd made love to each other what seemed like a million times over the course of the past twelve days. But something between them this time was different and it was't just that it was so bittersweet. There was a commitment, an unshakable trust. An understanding that this time, no matter what happened, they were bound and determined to make their relationship last.

They clung to one another as if each was wearing the only life preserver in a rapidly sinking ship, moving together as one, their mouths fused together like their bodies. It was a slow progression but gradually the strokes became harder and faster, more insistent, more demanding, less precise, less controlled until they'd driven each other to the edge. With a mutual, gut-wrenching cry, they came.

They stayed wrapped up in each other, unwilling to let go, unwilling for their time together to end. He stayed inside her. She refused to let him leave. She nipped at his lips, traced his tongue with hers, and when she felt him begin to twitch between her legs, she started their whole process again.

_We set a new record today. Now our number to beat is eight. Not that it's a contest, but still...who would have thought it possible to have sex eight times in 24 hours? Of course, we're no longer trying to make up for time lost so much as for time we know we're going to miss. Words just aren't enough anymore. I don't know how else to communicate everything that I feel. So sex has become my voice. Not that Logan minds. It's like our own private language. Mixed with looks and eye rolls, furrowed brows and wrinkled foreheads. _

_He reassures me that all will be well, but how can it be when he'll be gone? Gone and in danger. The thought of it makes my heart catch in my throat. Is this how he always feels? When he finds out how I could have gotten hurt on one of my cases? It must me. Maybe this is payback. It seems like all I can think is, 'Logan, please don't die.'_

Logan kissed Veronica's shoulder. He'd seen what she was writing. There was nothing he could say. The navy was the life he'd chosen. He couldn't regret it. It had been too good for him. He couldn't reassure her or do anything to change the way she felt. So instead, he just held her, and made love to her some more.


	9. Chapter 9

**Journal Entry #9**

_Veronica,_

_I know this is our journal and not a place to write love notes, but I can't help myself. It's four in the morning and I'm watching you sleep. You're so goddamned beautiful. What the hell did I do to deserve another chance with the most amazing woman I've ever known? The only person who's ever really come close to knowing ME. Ok, so I'm being the girl again. What the fuck do I care? After nine long years, I feel like I'm finally home. Like I actually have a home to come back to. And I really, really don't want to leave. But I have to. I have to keep telling myself that. I made choices while you were gone. Choices I can't take back and I really don't want to. But that being said, GOD I'm gonna miss you._

_I'm gonna miss watching you sleep and I'll miss teasing you when you wake up (bringing you caffeine as a peace offering, of course). I'll miss sleeping with my arms tight around you, your head tucked under my chin; holding you, touching you. I'll miss our banter, our quips, the way that you look at me like we're the only ones in the world who exist. Nothing can compare to that. Nothing. _

_I tried for years to find something that would replace it. It was a losing battle and I knew it from the start. But once you left, what else was I supposed to do? I couldn't follow you. Even I knew that. I didn't know who I was anymore. But I knew I couldn't be that person. The one with no identity of his own, the one who let a failed relationship define him. _

_So I did what I had to do to keep going. I found a reason, a purpose for living. I knew if I ever saw you again, I wanted you to be proud of me. Not that I had much hope of you forgiving me, letting things go. We've hurt each other a lot in the past but I meant what I said when I told you, "Bygones." Whatever else we are, Veronica, we're family - first and last. _

_Then, there you were. And here we are. And the last thing I want to do is be dismissive. This thing we have, it's epic. I may have been drunk off my ass when I said it but I meant it. _

His words were interrupted by the sound of the woman herself rolling over. She lifted up on one elbow lazily, and gave him a sleep-filled grin.

"Why aren't you asleep, Mister?"

Smiling back crookedly, he closed the journal and slipped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "I can sleep when I'm dead."

She quirked an eyebrow and gave a scowl. "Not funny," she said.

"I thought it was a little funny," he smirked.

"Nope," she shook her head, burrowing into his shoulder, "Not even a little."

He held her close and soon her breathing was even again. He sighed. His heart ached. How could something so perfect be ending so soon? _'Typical,'_ he thought, _'Fucking typical. I get everything I've always wanted and now I have to leave.'_

She stirred again in his arms, murmuring softly, "Logan? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he told her, "Just can't sleep."

Slowly, Veronica grinned, popping one eye open and then the other before asking cheekily, "Need me to wear you out?"

He laughed, shaking his head, saying affectionately, "Perv."

She sat up a little, mumbling against his neck, "As if you didn't know that by now."

"Oh, I definitely knew that," Logan confirmed, "Just thought I'd state the obvious."

Veronica pursed her lips and glared at him playfully, then asked, "Seriously, if we're not going to sleep, we might as well make use of the couple hours we have left together."

An hour and a half later and Logan's dressed in his uniform. The first light of morning streamed through the window making Veronica's still-sleeping form look close to angelic. Logan stood smiling softly at the foot of the bed, capturing the moment with the camera on his phone.

She moved, groaning as she mumbled, "Too early..."

"You'd be surprised how strongly the armed services feel about punctuality," Logan replied, amusement clear in his voice. "You wouldn't want me to get busted for going AWOL, would you?"

Her eyes sparkling with mischief, Veronica pushed herself to her knees and moved toward him, narrowing her eyes as she spoke, "What I want is for you to stand there in your effity uniform and with your Harvard mouth show me so effing courtesy."

Logan grinned down at her and wrapped his arms around her. "I appreciate you keeping it PG-13 for me. I'm delicate."

Pulling back a bit, Veronica searched his eyes. She was still rather rumpled from their earlier activities but Logan thought she had never looked so perfect.

In an attempt to be brave and hide her true feelings, Veronica flirted with audacity, "Come on, I got you off _murder_ charges. I can beat an AWOL rap!"

It was a come on but it was also a plea. She didn't want him to go and they both knew it.

Logan gripped her arms both gently and tightly, looking down into her face with an intensity that begged her to understand.

"Veronica, it's 180 days," he said quietly, "What's 180 days to us?" Then, his eyes softened and the corners of his mouth twitched. "Our story is epic. Spanning years and continents..."

Her eyes shone as she narrowed them, a playful grin trying to spread across her face, "Lives ruined. Blood shed."

"Yeah," Logan grinned back.

Veronica's smile faltered. He'd remembered this time, but still. She fought the tears trying to well in her eyes. Her voice was thick with emotion as she said, "Come back to me?"

"Always."

She watched him go. She knew he was worried about her. When he turned back at the door, she put on a brave smile and gave a quick laugh, trying to assure him that she knew she was being silly. But as soon as he was gone, she collapsed back on the bed. Face in her hands, she cried.

Later, she finally went to see her dad. She knew it was long past time.

As always, Keith took one look at her and knew exactly what she was going through. He let her get away with pretending things were fine for awhile but he asked casually, "Logan return to duty today?"

She couldn't look at him. She messed with the cards in her hands and said, "Yep."

"I'm sorry, honey."

She worked her jaw and forcefully swallowed the lump in her throat. She didn't look up. "Yeah..."

"Hey," he said, trying to sound cheerful, "They say I'm ahead of schedule here. And as much as I'm enjoying all this daddy/daughter time, maybe it's time to start thinking about heading back to New York." He knew this was a last-ditch effort but still, he felt obligated to point out, "You've got a life there..."

When Veronica looked up, her eyes were filled with a steely resolve as well as the remains of a few unshed tears. She took a deep breath and met his eyes. Then, in spite of the butterflies fluttering in her stomach at going against her dad, she said, "Actually, about New York...I'm not going back."

Keith's entire countenance looked crestfallen. He sat back heavily against his pillows and said seriously, "Veronica."

She shook her head, though, and said stubbornly, "No, dad. Listen to me. Neptune is my home. It's where I belong. You're going to need help but even if you didn't...I don't know how to explain it. I just can't, dad. I can't go back there. It's not who I am."

Things were still more than tense between them when their conversation ended and the nurse asked Veronica to leave so that Keith could get some rest.

She sighed, sitting at the wheel of Logan's BMW, gripping the leather tightly.

It took awhile before she could bring herself to leave the parking garage. When she did, she wasn't quite sure where she was headed. Unsurprisingly, though, she found herself at the beach.

Before she'd left Dick's that morning, she'd gathered up the few belongings of hers that had remained. She'd tenderly taken the journal that she and Logan had both written in and held it close to her heart before putting it in her bag.

Now, she rummaged through and found it. She took it with her as she headed toward the sand and surf. Finding a spot, she sat and made herself comfortable. Then, she opened it up to read.

She had planned to start at the beginning but something in Logan's handwriting caught her eye at the end. She found his love note from that morning. As she scanned it, her eyes filled with tears again. She held it to her heart and sobbed quietly. When she was able to control herself, she flipped back to the beginning. Before reading it, she looked out at the waves crashing to the shore and murmured to herself a reassurance: "It's 180 days. We can do this."


End file.
